About 'black horse interest rates'|.... The photos were black and white, maybe 8 X 10, and were...life with Tom and the tastes and interests they shared. It was scary...
This is my first book! In a way I can't believe I'm finally writing a book. I've always wanted to be an author, but a subject never grabbed hold of me deep enough to motivate me to finally sit down and write one, and a good one to boot! How does someone like Stephen King do it? I've heard that he has written something almost every single day of his life since he was in diapers. In fact, his first work was written using Melba toast and Gerber's mashed bananas (my favorite!). The storyline was a somewhat straightforward tale of a cute, cuddly adopted baby boy, who singlehandedly strangled his loving adopted family with his own umbilical cord. By the time this little prince was done, his "new" mom, dad, brother & sisters and grandparents were six feet under. On top of this, the smart little tike was able to prove himself innocent in a court of law. It was actually a gripping tale. The only thing that worries me about Mr. King is that all of his stories are horror stories, and that's just a little too genre specific for such a prolific writer, don't you think? In the end, I think it's lucky for us that he has found writing as his main outlet for all those nasty ideas, the alternative is a little too scary to think about. Anyhow, I have to admit that the last time I tried to write a book it evolved, quite quickly, into a steamy pornographic short story (is there any other kind?). Although I knew in my heart it was very well written, with a very happy ending indeed, I have to admit that I was a little ashamed of it. After all, it wasn't quite the type of reading material you proudly hand out to friends, family and co-workers. It ended up being quietly filed away (after numerous re-readings and revisions) into a big metal file cabinet in my office at the time, under "P", never to be seen again. I always wondered if anyone ever found and read it, I would have loved to have heard their opinion of it - my first critic! So the topic of my first book is "The Secret To Life" (TSTL™) and wow, I have to agree, it is a very, very deep topic for a first book attempt, but I figured since I discovered TSTL, it was my patriotic, unselfish duty to share it with the rest of the planet. Now, I promise I will reveal this important contribution to mankind at some point, but first you must bear with me. There is a certain literary path I am compelled to go down (i.e. therapy) in order to work my way to this cathartic revelation and I must ask for your cooperation and patience along the way. I do sincerely appreciate this! Now, to make this journey as easy and as comfortable as possible, I must ask a simple favor of you, my readers. Let's all start this book under the simple assumption that everything I sayis the absolute truth. Once this is agreed upon by everyone, all else will fall nicely into place and the book will make perfect sense to you and change your life, I promise! Now, the next ethical thing I must say is that most of what I'm writing here are my opinions and being human, I could be wrong, especially when it comes to facts and figures (not that there are any facts or figures in here), but I will promise that if at all possible, I'll be the first one to point out any error(s) I have made. As comedian Dennis Miller always says after one of his engaging tirades, "after all, It's just my opinion, I could be wrong." Just think how nice it would be if everyone had this enlightened view of themselves. In my 48 years on this planet, I think I have learned quite a few things, just as I know all of us have. What matters most, however, is how you choose to use that knowledge and how that enables you to improve your life, and the lives of your family and friends, over time. That is the premise that forms the basis of this book, to improve your life and those around you. Fortunately, I am able to provide to you a simple but stunning short-cut to accomplishing this goal and it is what I refer to as the "The Secret To Life" and it's right now sitting in your hands (how exciting!). Oh, by the way, did you notice the subtitle of this book? "The Book that Everyone on the Planet must read ASAP", catchy, isn't it? Just think of the cool things I could accomplish if we all pulled together as a team in order to reach this worthy goal. I'm pretty sure that would make me the best selling author of all time! Why, I would beat out, with one single book, what took J.K Rawlings 7 books to accomplish - take that Harry Potter! I even think that would put me over the Bible (is that sacrilegious?). I don't want to start off on the wrong foot with anyone, especially the entity that may, or may not, have created the universe, so please disregard the Bible comment. OK, moving along.... Back in the Fall of 1969, when I was in fourth grade at Sacred Heart Elementary School in Bayside, NY, I, along with several other fellow fourth & fifth grade students, was asked to participate in an group interview process with some people I had never met before. It sounded like fun and I got out of class. These people asked each one of us a bunch of questions and as we answered, they did a lot of note taking. I had no idea what it was all about, but I did my best to answer the questions in the most appropriate manner. The next thing I know, a day or two later, myself and a fifth grade student named James Prendergast were asked to come to the principal's office. Sister "Big Bird" Elizabeth was our blessed leader, she was a six foot four tall skinny nun (that's what I remember!) in her full black & white nun's uniform. She really did look like a giant penguin as she waddled around the school grounds barking out orders, hence the nickname! She corralled us into her small office and had us sit down, again I had no idea what was going on. She proceeded to tell us that James and I were being invited to represent our school on a TV show on NBC. The show was called "Not for Women Only" and was hosted by none other than the up and coming star of NBC, a young Barbara Walters. The producers of the show (those were the ones who had already interviewed the group of us) wanted the two of us to come into New York City to the NBC studios located in the famous Rockefeller Plaza for another set of interviews. How exciting this was. My mom drove James and me into the city soon after and met with several people who asked us a bunch of different questions about everything: school, teachers, politics, what we liked to do for fun, etc.... It was fun answering all these questions, I remember trying to come up with interesting answers for each question they asked. After the first meeting was over, in comes Barbara Walters herself and she then sat and asked us a bunch of questions also. She seemed to be a very nice and pretty lady, with a funny lisp. We then headed home to resume our tedious, ordinary lives. A few days later, I was called into Sister Big Bird's office again, but as I entered, this time it was just I, no sign of James Prendergast. She told me that only I was being invited on the show and that I would be representing the WHOLE Catholic School System on Planet Earth and that I had better behave accordingly. Such pressure on a young child's mind! "Of course Sister, I will behave myself", I promised. Now things got really exciting. My mother, upon hearing of my invitation jumped into action. She went out and bought me a brand new outfit to wear on the show. I will never forget this outfit for the rest of my life; it was a matching purple turtleneck shirt and corduroy pants outfit with an embroidered multi-colored butterfly on the chest over my heart. Oh mom, I'm sure you thought I looked absolutely adorable, and I probably did, but why did you have to emasculate me on national television? Our little group consisting of my mom, me, and one of our priests from our parish whose name I have forgotten, all drove into the big city on the day of the show's taping. I met once again with Barbara and the producers before the taping of the show began and I was introduced to the other students who'd be appearing on the show with me. They were like four or five of us and we were all representing the various school systems in the greater New York area such as public, private (secular) and religious elementary schools. During the show we all sat at a semi circular table with Barbara in the middle and she went from student to student asking us questions. I remember her asking me who was my favorite person in history. Without hesitation, I answered "Why Richard M. Nixon, of course". "That's very interesting, James, why did you pick him as your favorite?" she asked. "Because he is determined to win the war in Vietnam and that's something I believe we should do!" the audience and Barbara laughed. I didn't know why at the time they laughed, but they all did. "Do you think winning the war is important?" she asked. "Of course I do, it is extremely important to win the war, we win every war!! If I had a machine gun I would go over there and fight myself!" I replied earnestly. The audience and Barbara laughed once again. What's with these people I thought, winning the war was very important, wasn't it? Why would we fight a war and think it's funny to try to win it!! It made absolutely no sense to me...what are these people laughing about? "I see we have a little warrior here", she said to the audience. Well the show went on and we answered all kinds of questions. When it came to the end, everyone was congratulating all of us students and Barbara gave each one of us her autograph and a check from NBC for $75 as we were leaving the studio. My first paycheck! I remember thinking that her autograph was very messy and not very complete, so I decided to "fix it" by taking a pen and connecting all of the letters. So much for my authentic Barbara Walters' autograph! I also remember feeling very awkward when my whole school gathered around the classroom TV's to watch the show when it aired. It was extremely uncomfortable to hear everyone laugh every single time I said something. I honestly didn't think my performance was supposed to be funny!! I kept asking my self, "What's wrong with all these people?" I love to dream, don't you? What can be more exciting than to fall asleep in your own comfy bed and quietly slip into a world only your mind can create, starring you as the main character? In other words, a "Hollywood of your Mind" every night, of your own making. What absolute incredible possibilities does that allow! Who wouldn't look forward to this unlimited potential every single night of their lives? Don't even get me started on "wet dreams", I can vividly remember a totally naked Ellen Hammer slowly walking towards me with outstretched arms and a big smile on her face....that's all I needed!! She was sooo pretty! My mom always said that I couldn't wait to go to bed every single night (why not, if Ellen was coming to get me?) and that's still true today....and why not, considering the possibilities (did I mention Ellen)? I can't wait to enter into this world where I am the guy who has to solve the mystery or plan the escape or figure out a way into the fortress to rescue the fair maiden (to what purpose you may ask?). I've always wondered if other people had similar experiences or feelings towards their dreams, with uninspiring results, but every once in awhile I come across some interesting tidbit about dreams. I remember finding a quote about dreams by the discoverer of the Polio vaccination, Jonas Salk. This guy single-handedly wiped out, within a very short period of time back in 1955, probably the biggest threat to Americans' health at that time, polio (remember FDR?). I bet the majority of younger Americans wouldn't even know this true American hero's name. This guy went so far as to refuse to patent the vaccination in order to speed delivery to those in need, giving up a fortune that was his for the taking! This incredibly smart guy once said, "I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams". It's one of the few quotes about dreams I have come across and I am still trying to figure out what the heck he was trying to say! Just kidding! I think it's just a re-statement of the old adage that good will always prevail over evil. I have found that very few people are excited to talk about their dreams and quite frankly, I don't understand it. I think it has to do with the fact that people feel weird sharing their dreams because they are considered to be too private and personal. Maybe people feel they will be judged by their dreams? Am I a freak (yes!) because I actually like discussing my dreams, the hard part is finding some one to share them with. Is it only me who has such incredible experiences every night? I must admit that I don't have a blockbuster dream every night, but if I concentrate within the first 15 minutes of waking, I can remember most of the night's storyline, and if it is a truly epic dream, I'll always remember it! I have faith in humanity that there are many amongst us who share this love of dreams, and I am in a constant quest to find them. I think I shall try to form a club and call it "The Dream Sharer's Club". Our motto would be, "You tell me yours and I'll tell you mine." My dreamscapes are usually places I either like or abhor, or a place I'd like to visit, or a strange combination thereof. A typical dream setting is my freshman year dorm room at college, St. Lawrence University (yes, I am a fellow alumnus of Fox News' Martha McCallum - she is so GD gorgeous!) and my bedroom at my parent's house in which I grew up. We had such a great room; it was actually a luxurious 2 bedroom suite, with a private bathroom with a big tub, all to ourselves. My roommates were Bill Price and Doug Morrison, two great guys. So what did we do on the first day of college? We cut Doug's and my name cards that hung on the front door and switched last names. The residents of our suite then became Bill Price, Doug Montreuil and Jim Morrison...how cool is that to be a freshman in college, filled with a campus of beautiful girls, and be roommates with Jim Morrison! Simply doesn't get any better.One of my all-time favorite dreams took place on the Oprah Winfrey Show (and I'm not even a fan of hers). I was invited on because I was the President & CEO of the internationally known conglomerate, Trivector, Ltd, and we had established a long and proud history of doing really cool things for the benefit of the planet (insurance?). I was such an interesting person (and very rich & handsome to boot) that people would invite me on their talk shows or interview me to share my opinions and thoughts on various topics. Well, after flying out to Chicago with my family and getting to her studio, Oprah introduces me to her audience and I come out on stage and take a seat next to her on her couch. After the massive applause dies down, she asks me the first question, "Hi Jim, welcome to the show. First off, I wanted to ask you about something you said during an interview you did recently with Martha McCallum of Fox News (wink! wink!). You mentioned that there were some things you've done in the past that you weren't too proud of. I was wondering if you could share some of those moments with us?" and the audience went wild. I paused a bit and then turned and asked her with a big smile, "Oprah, do you mind if I first ask you a question?" "Sure", she says. So I ask her, "What is your favorite movie of all time?" She thinks a bit and says, "Why, it would have to be "Gone with The Wind!" (I would have bet a lot of money that she was going to say, "The Color Purple", good thing I'm not a gambler). "Isn't that a great movie?" I replied. "I also loved that movie, it certainly was an epic story set in an epic time". She quickly added, "I really loved the characters in the story, they were all so unique and unforgettable." Then she seemed to realize something and she looked me right in the eye and asked, "What's your favorite movie?" "Oh, that's easy," I replied, "Ice Station Zebra". "I don't think I've ever seen that movie," she said. I excitedly shot back, "You have got to see this movie, it's an absolute classic cold-war flick. It has everything a movie should have; action, espionage, suspense, treachery, loyalty, spies, nuclear submarines, Russian paratroopers, US marines and a spy-satellite with a high-tech camera in it, all wrapped up in an engrossing story. I love this movie!". "Sounds like a great film,' she says, and I say,"It certainly is! Do you know who else thought this is the best movie ever?". "No, who?" she asked. "Howard Hughes," I reply, "He used to sit in one of his penthouse suites, with all of the windows blacked out, in one of his many hotels and watch this movie, over and over and over again, hundreds of times." "Oh, how interesting....," she replies. Now, as I start to worry she thinks I'm a little crazy too, she asks me, "What's your favorite book?" "Oh, I'm so glad you asked, it would have to be "Dune".... And from that point forward, for the rest of my appearance, every question she asked me was a positive, fun question, and we had a really great time together. After the show ended, as I was about to leave the studio, she came over to me and extended her hand to shake mine. "It was so nice to have you on, I enjoyed discussing all of our favorite things together, and I think the audience really enjoyed it also!" she said, "but I want you to know that I knew exactly what you did.....you little sneak! Not many people can get me off a question once I ask it, but you certainly did." I laughed and replied, "Why thank you! It was a lot of fun for me also, and I've always preferred fun, positive questions over negative ones." She then asked, "Do you mind if I ask if you have any plans tonight in my beautiful, windy city?" "Why, I was hoping to find a nice restaurant and have dinner with my family." I replied. "Would you and you family care to join Steadman and I for dinner at one of our favorite places?" "Absolutely, we would be honored," I said without hesitation. Well, we all went out and had a tremendously good evening together, and we became good friends, me and Oprah, who would've thought? I even felt bad that I've never watched her show. I attributed this great dream experience to making a conscience choice to try to be a positive person over being a negative one. This dream was kind of restatement of a lesson I learned way back in the mid 1980's when I listened to a set of audio tapes from a genius named Denis Waitley. The set was called "The Psychology of Winning" and when I first heard Denis' words coming out of my car radio speakers, I couldn't believe the simplicity of his message, it made such perfect, crystal-clear sense to me. The main point of this tape set was "where the mind leads, the body follows". It boils down to that if you want to be a positive person and have positive things happen to you in your life, all you have to do is think & act positive! If you find yourself in a negative situation or having negative thoughts, just try to change your location or thoughts to positive ones as quickly as possible. If you can do this, other positive things will follow....it's that simple! No one on this planet has the power to force you to think negative thoughts, act in a negative way or say negative things, you are the only master of your universe (as Jerry Seinfeld would say) who controls what and how you think, act and speak. So many people honestly believe they aren't in control of these things, that outside factors and other people control them or force them to act or think in negative ways. In the end, that's a bunch of boloney, you are the only one in control of the way you think, act, and look at life! In another epic dream I had, I worked as the right-hand assistant to a brutal, ruthless emperor, who happened also to be a God (not a good combination for a funny dream). The setting was like a classic Roman City, kind of like ancient Rome (but it wasn't Rome). All the buildings were huge and made of marble and had giant columns in front. Anyway, the emperor was so mean to his subjects it was downright depressing. He was so powerful; he could kill people who pissed him off, in the most horrible ways, just by thinking about it. Pretty cool to have such a powerful mind I agree, but not a very nice way to use it. One time, a servant spilled wine near him...not even on him. Now we all figured the emperor must have been in a really, really bad mood at that exact moment because he not only rips the guy to shreds, on the spot, with wildly whipping chains, he had his whole entire family killed in the city's center square, including the guy's pet dog, parakeet and favorite horse. The thing was, he was nice to me. I was always walking on eggshells, waiting for him to get mad at me, but he never did. I didn't like the job because I had to help him terrorize his subjects by handling the logistics of his brutal commands. One day, I was secretly approached by a person who wanted to introduce me to a group of people who were planning to overthrow and kill the emperor. I knew I shouldn't go, but I was absolutely compelled to meet his group of brave, but stupid, people. I attended a secret meeting they held that night and listened to their plans. They were a very motivated and passionate group of highly intelligent men and women, and apparently they had the support of the vast majority of the people in the Empire. I couldn't believe the futility of their idea though. How do you overthrow and kill such a powerful and all-knowing being; what mortal has a chance against a God? But then...it hit me like a ton of bricks...the emperor couldn't have been an all-knowing God or else he would have already known about this very large group of plotters. If he was all-knowing he certainly should have known about my attending their meeting and then not immediately ratting them out to him. If this was true that the emperor wasn't really a God then perhaps he was vulnerable and therefore it might be able to overthrow and kill him. Once I figured the plotters had a small chance of succeeding, I found that I actually supported them and agreed with their ultimate goal. Now, I became nervous, especially when I was near the emperor, that he would find out, so I tried to put all thoughts of the plot and plotters out of my mind. It must have worked, because he never became suspicious. The plot was put into action the very next day. The main strategy was to start hundreds of small diversions and fires all over the city to create a confusing situation around the emperor that hopefully would open up a window of opportunity for the killers to strike. The situation around the palace did indeed become very confusing. It became very noisy and there were people running all over the place. There was thick black smoke from hundreds of fires swirling all about. You could look down upon the City from the palace heights and see skirmishes taking place all over the city. Unfortunately, the people of the city were being slaughtered in the process, this couldn't continue much longer. The emperor was strutting around his throne room shouting out commands to me and his top generals. When the time seemed to be right, 2 men I'd never seen before dressed in general's uniforms started to quickly approach the emperor, each from an opposite direction. He immediately turned towards one of them and both were instantly struck dead. The plot was foiled in a mili-second before my eyes. Something drastic had to be done. I ran over and told the emperor that something must be done immediately to stop the slaughter of his people or the city would be destroyed. He looked at me and hissed, "Since when are you in the habit of giving me orders?" I responded without thinking, "Since the city is collapsing as we speak, do something NOW!" He turned towards the city and raised his arms and closed his eyes. Very quickly all of the soldiers stopped killing the people and things started to quiet down. I was so relieved that he had listened to me. Wait, had he actually obeyed my command? Again without thinking, I shouted, "emperor, come here". He lowered his arms and started coming towards me, again, he was obeying my command. As he came towards me I could see anger flash in his eyes. As I mentally envisioned him being destroyed, his body was raised off the floor and held about 10 feet in the air. I felt an immense searing pressure being directed at my mind, we locked eyes and I just knew it was him trying to destroy me. I put all of my effort into mentally obliterating him off the planet and his body simply exploded and he was gone. It suddenly dawned on me that I was a God also.... Then I woke up. I like to think I took over leadership of the city and ran it in a most efficient, benevolent and enlightened manner. I've always wanted to rule and empire and be a God! I look forward to going back to that dream story and continuing it, but that has yet to happen. I should really write a book about that one! But hold on, this dream has nothing to do with The Secret To Life, we still have more to discuss. Back in high school, I was pretty much an innocent nerd. I got it in my head one day sophomore year that I wanted to become cool and therefore would endeavor to buy a really cool rock and roll music album. Everyone was doing this at the time and talking about their favorite bands, favorite songs and favorite albums, up to that point I couldn't have cared less about that stuff. A very popular thing to wear was a jean jacket with the wearer's favorite album cover painted on the back of it. A student named Rory was very talented at this and would charge up to fifty bucks to paint one jacket; he must have made a fortune doing this! I remember his masterpiece was a cover by the band "Rush", which he wore proudly. Well, I felt that now was my time to get in on the action and become cool also. The problem was that I wasn't very cool and I had no idea where "coolness" came from. At the time, my idea of great music came from my mom's favorite radio station, WCBS, which played all of the hits of prior decades, now referred to as the "Golden Oldies". Now, this cuts both ways, because although I now know almost all of the words to many Frank Sinatra and Frankie Valley songs, most good looking girls couldn't care less about Frank Sinatra and Frankie Valley songs. They wanted Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin or whatever other band was big back in the late 70's. So, I was on a mission, I had to figure out how to identify and then go and get this cool new album, but how does one do this type of cool stuff? Unfortunately, I had to figure it out on my own since if I confided in anyone about my quest they would automatically realize how un-cool I actually was. This was going to be hard, but I was a smart kid (at least I thought so) and this was the most important thing to accomplish in my life up to that point! After much thought, I realized that a cool guy doesn't just go around asking other cool people questions about which music they thought was good (I am so glad I thought that part through!), so I started to listen, actually eavesdrop, on any conversation around me regarding music. Sure enough, one day during study hall, I overheard one of my fellow students, who was cool (but not nearly as cool as he thought) talking about, in his cocky way, one of the coolest bands around. They were called "Genesis" and one of their albums was really, really great, it was called "Foxtrot". Now, I had never to this point in my life heard of this great band, but something about the name was cool. Even the album name was cool-sounding. I immediately decided that this would be my cool album purchase to start off my new cool persona. I'll buy this and then be able to talk with the other cool students about it, it was perfect and I was way out-of-my-mind with excitement. As soon as I had the opportunity, I got all the money I had saved for this purpose together and went up to our main shopping street, Bell Blvd., to the record store. I started looking in the "G" area for the band's section. I found the Genesis section and started going though the several albums there. To my extreme disappointment, there was no "Foxtrot" album there. I went through them again, hoping I just missed it, but nay, there was no "Foxtrot" album present. I didn't know what to do. Should I put off my first step to being cool until I could find this album, or do I find another album and start down the road to coolness immediately? I quickly decided I couldn't put off this first step for another second; I would buy another album, but which one? As I looked up and down the row of Albums, hundreds, if not thousands of them glared back at me. How the heck am I going to pick an album out of this huge selection? The solution came to me, I already have a cool band, I'll just stick to Genesis and pick one of their other albums, but now the question was which one? There were like 6 albums in their section, how do I pick one (and hopefully, the coolest one)? I went through each album and closely scrutinized its cover. How odd, I was going to have to judge a book (or in this case, music) by its cover! It was actually quite easy, there it was, a double album called "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway". It looked very cool and it was a double album, very, very cool indeed! Something about the art work struck me in a very positive way, so I decided to buy it! I practically ran all the way home; I couldn't wait to listen to it. As it finally played on my new turntable, I couldn't believe how incredibly bad it was. I couldn't bear to listen to the first whole record, let alone the second. I gave up by the third or fourth song. All it seemed to be was a bunch of discombobulated strange noises and weird sounds all hooked together in the most god-awful, longest I ever put to my ears songs (every song was like 8 to 16 minutes long!). What a lousy disappointment! What was I to do? I shelved the Genesis and went on to buy the old stand-by cool album at the time, which one you may ask? "KISS Live", can you believe it? I was so excited, but I soon realized that having a cool album wasn't going to make me cool, everybody, including un-cool people such as myself, had what they thought were cool albums. My "coolness experiment" failed miserably. The funny thing about all this is that while in freshman year at St. Lawrence University (hi Martha McCallum!), just take a guess at what album I "re-discovered"? Yes, "The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway". It had sat in my growing pile of albums all these years, never listened to after that miserable first attempt. There was a guy who lived on my hallway ("S.H.I.T. Hall", was the name of our hall - "Smart, Handsome, Intelligent Types", of course!) named Bill Blanchard, who was a huge fan of Peter Gabriel, who had been the lead singer of Genesis for the band's first several albums, including "TLLDOB". When I pulled out my dusty album and put it on, I quickly fell in love with every single song on that double album! It was unbelievable; every single song on that album is not only good, but a masterpiece! It is my absolute favorite album in the whole world to this day and I know (almost) every single word on it. Can you believe it! Only in America! "One in Rael!" Even though I try to stay positive, there are times when you must deal with some negatives. Like the question, why are there so many bad things going on in this world? And why is there such downright evil things being done around the globe on a daily basis? On a positive note, I think there are many more just plain "bad" things going at any given time as opposed to the more sinister "evil" things (and that's a good thing, right?). I've always wondered about what determines if we turn out as good or bad people? And most importantly, what makes a certain percentage of bad people turn out to be downright evil? Is it the way we are "wired" at birth or the way we are raised as children, or possibly, a little of both. I tend to think it is the way we were raised because when you see a little baby that has loving, caring parents, it's hard to imagine them ever doing a bad thing, let alone an evil thing. The key to this whole issue is in that last sentence, "loving, caring parents"! Would you believe me if I told you that "The Root of All Evil is Bad Parents". Now, although that's not The Secret To Life, it is another basic truism that withstands the test of time. Do you think Joseph Stalin grew up in a loving, caring and tolerant home? Absolutely not, in fact this brutal megalomaniac actually makes Hitler seem like a good, caring neighbor! Speaking of good old Adolf, could you picture him and his dad out fishing when he was a kid and spending quality time together, talking, baiting hooks and catching fish to bring home (proudly) to mom for dinner? No, of course not! Can you imagine Attila the Hun as a boy out playing with friends, falling and scraping his knee. As he runs home to his mommy, she hears his cries from down the block and meets him with open arms to help soothe him and clean his boo-boo. What do you think? The question becomes, why do certain parents have children and then basically give up on them and allow, dysfunctional, unloving homes to evolve, where no one is happy? This happens all too often and on so many different levels that it is mind boggling. What I mean to say is we all know there are many dysfunctional families on this planet (in fact most families are at least a little dysfunctional, right? Like mine!) and not all of them create bad or evil people, or that all unloving homes create bad, unloving people. If that were true, the world would be a vast hellish sludge of bad, unloving people, and I just don't believe that, do you? It is the truly bad parents that create truly bad children, and whose to blame for that? Why, the parent's parents! You see, I am right on this! It is the parents that directly control how their kids turn out. The buck stops there, right at the parent's feet. Way too many parents refuse to accept responsibility for their children's behavior. Just ask my mom, I blame her for everything wrong in my life and she just denies responsibility (LOL - she still is the best mom on the planet!!) The people who are really screwed are the kids who don't have any parents at all, good or bad. They are set forth in this world without any guidance, and how they turn out depends on "The Village" as Hilary Clinton would say, and that's a pretty "iffy" situation. That is why I would recommend that if you ever come across a child that doesn't have parents (how can you tell...I haven't the foggiest), be nice to them or even generous, perhaps say a kind word if you can. We know such things can never resolve their situation, but it will add something positive to their day and maybe lighten their spirit for a while. Just think, if everyone did little nice things such as this, it could very possibly make a lasting impression on them and may actually help them to better deal with their situations, even if in some small fashion. Could you imagine if everyone treated everyone else in this fashion? Wouldn't it make the world a much better place to live in? I won't get any sappier on the topic. Alas, this is not The Secret To Life, so you must continue to bear with me and my silly stories. On a related topic, how many times have you heard the saying "Money is the Root of All Evil"? Do you agree with it? I certainly hope not, because the saying has been changed over time and translations, shortened actually from the original which reads "The Love of Money is the Root of all Evil". See how that changes the meaning? Money, in and of itself, is not evil, how could paper bills or metal coins be evil? Don't even start to think that having money would make you a better, or perhaps even worse, person. The key factor here is the mental attitude of the person in question as to what money would do to them, i.e. make them better or worse. Money is only a giant amplifier of the human condition. If you are a big jerk and you come into a lot of money, it wouldn't cure your "condition", it will just make you a big rich jerk. If you are a nice, generous guy and you came into money, you'd end up a nice rich, generous guy. Ever wonder why so many people with a lot of money aren't very nice? Maybe it's because not being a nice person gives one a predisposition to high achievement and earning a lot of money? Too bad...All I can say is that in the end, it's not the money talking folks, it's you! Why is it so much fun to travel? If I don't have a trip planned out in the not-so-distant-future, I'm just not a happy camper. If I know I'm going somewhere great in a few months, it gives me extra motivation to deal with life, today! Travel almost becomes like a goal you set and then you must slowly reach it. Bill Gates is an avid traveler, but he travels a little differently than the rest of us. He'd gather Melinda and his kids around the kitchen table and ask "Where do you guys want to go on vacation next month? I want each one of you to pick a particular destination where you've always wanted to go and what I'll do is buy a really nice house and car in each place so we have transportation and a nice place to stay. Then I'll have the house staffed and fully stocked up with our favorite foods. We can then enjoy ourselves for a month or two before hoping on our Lear jet and moving on to the next destination....how does that sound?" Well his youngest daughter (always the daughter) stands up defiantly and says, "Daddy, how boring...that's exactly what we did last vacation!...can't we just go to the Zoo?!!" Kids...!! For the rest of us humans, travel is a little different. The thing is, I love all aspects of travel, from the planning to the execution, it's all part of the fun, and I think planning a trip is the most fun part of it all. It is the time to gather intelligence and information on your destination and the culture you're going to visit. This part is crucial to the overall enjoyment of the trip. I like trying to determine the most appropriate adventures to experience in the place you are going and the fact that every place is different makes it that much more fun to plan. It is really a intense learning experience about where you are going. It's like becoming an expert on your destination. The geography, the currency, the language and the food are all things that need to be investigated before a trip, and becomes like a part-time mission to address all these topics that you fit into your busy schedule when you can find a few minutes. The internet is absolutely critical in this regard, especially Google Earth, which is an incredibly valuable tool for travelers. Why, you can get to know the lay-out of a destination before you ever get there. When we had a trip planned to Arches National Park in Utah, I had the whole place staked out, our campsite, the bike trails we were going to do, the planned hikes, the Colorado and Snake rivers, and, of course, the town of Moab, the mountain biking ("slick rock") capital of the world! There was even a ghost town I got to know pretty well from above. Ironically, we didn't make it to Utah that year. Two months before departure, my then 8-yr old daughter, Sarah, decided, on the last run of the weekend (I kid you not) to go off a very large ski jump because she saw her brother going over it first (he was going much, much slower and planning to go off the side of the jump, which was unknown to her) without discussing it with me first. The thing is once she decided to do the jump, she went full speed ahead in a nice tight tuck. I had to watch in horror as she catapulted off into the yonder blue and watch in eerily slow motion as her little body started to rotate around...and then she was gone, dead I feared. I didn't even have a chance to scream at her it happened so fast. When I got to her she was a moaning sack of twisted flesh, it was bad. She had a bloody nose and her goggles had shattered, but she was conscious. Luckily, it looked worse than it was. Turns out she only broke her foot, but unfortunately, casts and sand (i.e. Arches NP) don't mix very well, so the vacation was cancelled. One of the worst parts of that whole mess was the anticipation of having to call my then-wife from the hospital to tell her the news, but she actually took it OK! ... The next stage is the "go" stage and the one thing the computer can't help you with is the experiencing the actual culture and the "feel and smell" of the destination, that's what remains the true benefit of traveling to a new place (good thing for that or we'd never have to leave home). The internet may be an invaluable tool to help plan all of the logistics of a trip, but nothing can give you the actual experience of going somewhere and talking with the people that live there and actually seeing the place and eating the local food, in person. When you are inside one of the Great Pyramids of Giza and the guide starts to ask you in his thick accent for bribe money to take "prohibited" pictures, you can't see or hear that on Google! Or when on safari in South Africa, to hear the guides tell you in their unique accents about zebras, elephants and lions, you can't hear that or taste the African dust in your mouth over cyberspace. And when diving the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, nothing can prepare you for the unbelievable underwater sights and the salty taste of the Western Pacific Ocean. I can proudly say that I am a traveler and plan to be one to the day I die... Speaking of travel, in my senior year at SLU, a group of fellow students and me were studying abroad in Vienna, Austria. It was so much fun because we got to travel every weekend by train to almost anywhere in Europe. On one of these weekend trips, a group of about 6 guys travelled from Vienna to Amsterdam. Now, I had always wanted to go to Amsterdam, we always heard such great things about this wild town. Many activities that are considered illegal in most countries are legal there. It had a very similar draw to us college students as the Wild West of the 1880's America had to the wave of settlers, explorers and outlaws of that time that flocked there. We had an incredible time exploring this city and it's "Milk Bars" and walking (yes, strictly walking) through the infamous "Red Light District" (there really was nothing appealing there anyway). We even saw the latest installment of "Star Wars" there and never laughed so hard; take a guess why...This story is about our journey home. I remember being in the main train station of Amsterdam, getting our bearings and platforms straight, when the loud speakers came blaring to life. Now the announcement was in Dutch but as he spoke, we kinda knew it was something good. Everyone in the station had come to an absolute standstill at the start of the announcement and slowly smiles grew on everyone, which then turned into an eruption of pure happiness and then, quickly, sheer pandemonium! Everyone started to cheer and hug each other and dance. We didn't understand what was going on, but we knew it was something good, really good! The announcer then started in English, "Good Morning, Good Morning, We are pleased to announce that Freddy Heineken has just been safely released by his kidnappers, I repeat, Freddy Heineken has been released and is safely on his way home. HEINEKEN HAS AUTHORIZED ALL BUSINESSES TO RELEASE ALL STOCK OF HEINEKEN BEER TO THE PUBLIC FOR FREE TO CELEBRATE THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION! I REPEAT, ALL STOCK OF HEINEKEN ARE TO BE RELEASED TO THE PUBLIC FOR FREE TO CELEBRATE THIS MOMENTOUS OCCASION." Now, we didn't even know who this Freddy guy was or that he had even been kidnapped, but apparently he had been several weeks before our arrival and he was THE very well-loved playboy heir of the famous beer empire. But now he was alive and free and one of the biggest beer companies in the country (world?) wanted to throw a party in his honor, and we were just the crowd to oblige such a request. The whole place went nuts...every hot dog vendor, every restaurant; every sausage, deli and ding-dong stand started putting bottles of Heineken out for free. People started singing and laughing, the mood went from a standard train station to party central in a few short minutes. We got on our train with our arms loaded with beer bottles. When the train left the station, EVERYONE on board was part of one huge party, it was a truly amazing experience! We were singing and laughing and then we started to play poker, the hours just flew by....the next thing I knew there was a pounding at the door to our cabin. It grew louder and louder until we all had to start moving about to get the door open. The place was an absolute mess! Empty beer bottles rolling around, food wrappers & cards floating about, luggage and bodies strewn all over the place. When we finally got the door open, before us stood two French Boarder Police in full Nazis-regalia. They were in full black-leather uniforms along with glistening machine guns and German shepherd attack dogs. "Passports", they yelled at us. "Passports, Passports" they yelled as we scrambled around the mess to find our respective bags. "Passports, Passports" they kept yelling at us. I think that as soon as they realized who we were (i.e. American students) it made them more and more pissed-off and the louder they yelled, thus the longer it took for us to come to our senses and get out our passports. Luckily, an international incident was averted and we all successfully presented out passports to the Nazis and they went on their way to examine the rest of that drunken train wreck. Oh well, thanks Freddy, you sure made for one of the most memorable train rides of my life (so far). Have you ever heard about the vision of the perfect world? A perfect world is one where the British were the police, the Germans were the mechanics, the French did all the cooking, the Italians were in charge of romance, and everything was organized by the Swiss. A hellish version of the world would be one where the Germans were the police, the French were the mechanics, the British did all the cooking, the Swiss were in charge of romance, and everthing was organized by the Italians. It definitely says something about stereotypes, yeah? I always thought that was hilarious. May I tell you about death and redemption? I was once driving to see my girlfriend, Barbara, and as I approached her house in Bayville, I pulled my beautiful 1986 Chevy Caprice Classic (two-tone blue, I really loved that car!!) onto her black asphalt driveway, and as I did, I felt my front tire go over a little bump and then the rear tire went over it also.....I got out of the car and looked behind the rear tire to see, to my horror, my girlfriend's convulsing jet-black cat taking his last few breaths. I also remember seeing some jet-black cat hair floating around in little swirls around the tire. He blended in so well with the driveway, I never saw him! The cat himself now looked peaceful enough, stretched out behind my rear tire, but I kinda knew he was dying or dead already and it was all my fault. What could I do....fess up right away and admit my transgression or make believe it never happened. I didn't know what to do, so I went to the side door and knocked as usual; she opened the door and pulled me inside. Of course, every member of her family was right there in the kitchen. I tried to act as normal as possible as we all said hello and proceeded to ask each other how everyone else was doing. The whole time my mind was reeling, trying to figure out how to break the horrific news...the longer I waited the harder it would become to blurt out...all of the sudden there came a knock at the door. As her mom opened the door, there stood an old man cradling a dead black cat in his arms. Everyone collectively gasped, and I knew this was bad, very bad...oh my God, I'm busted. The old man had his head hung down low over the dead cat's body and started to say while fighting back his tears, "I found Blackout", he said in a thick German accent, "he must have been hit by a car, I'm so sorry, but he's dead!" The family went into shock, and so did I, with my luck, the one eagle-eyed Nazi on the block had to be the one to see me run over the family cat. He slowly walked into the kitchen and gently laid the cat down on the kitchen table as space was made. Turns out, he was their neighbor from directly across the street. He had to have seen me pull in and run over the cat if he was over here so quickly. I pictured myself being ejected from the house, never to see beautiful Barbara or her family again. The old man stroked the dead cat on the table and said in his thick accent, "I'm pretty sure he died quickly, without any pain. He was such a beautiful cat". The whole family agreed, Barbara, her older sister and her mother all started to cry. "I would like to bury him, if it's Ok with you", the old man said to Barbara's father, Al. What was this? I was still waiting for him to slowly raise his outstretched arm until his pointed finger came level to my eyes and yell, "Murderer", but a few more seconds passed and I knew he wasn't going to give me up, the old guy was going to protect my secret (I was still reeling, trying to figure out if he actually saw me do the deed...he had to have!). He never even looked directly at me. It was my time to act, my chance for some pitiful act of some sort of redemption. I turned to Barbara's father and said, "Why don't I bury him?" Barbara's dad immediately turned to her younger brother, Albert, "Yeah, that's a good idea and I think you should help". Albert said without hesitation, "Yeah, Jim and I will bury him in the back yard, I know the best spot!". "That's a good idea, Albert", Barbara said. The old man just turned and said, "I'm so sorry" as he left the house. So it was set, I was to bury the cat I just killed, it was sort of my penitence. Albert and I went out into the back yard and dug a hole as Barbara and her sister watched and cried. We wrapped up the cat in an old blanket her mom brought out and quietly buried him. I really wish the whole thing never happened. I think the point here is that if you are ever presented with an opportunity for some act of redemption, however small, jump at it! Even though it was you who did something wrong and even if everything was your own fault, try to do something, anything, no matter how small, to redeem yourself, it is the least you can do. Let us move on, for this is not The Secret To Life. My ex-wife Debbie and I met back in 1988. We had a really great time being together for the first 12 years, we were very focused on travelling the world and experiencing various adventures and cultures, we had a lot of fun! We were very close and I considered her my very best friend and I hers'. We were very affectionate and would lay on my black leather couch (I really loved that Natuzzi couch) every night and scratch each other's back, arms, heads and legs and then we would crack each other's toes (boy, that comes up a lot in this book). I would say we were very much in love. The next stage was the birthing of our kids, 1997 to 2000. The next stage, which we are still in, is raising the kids, and I think we have done a pretty great job (if I do say so myself). Looking back now, I can see how she slowly "backed-out" of our relationship after Sarah was born. I think she moved a millimeter a day away from me each and every day. Why? I still don't know and she was never able to tell me. I know I'm not the easiest guy to live with sometimes. I can be stubborn and strong-headed (I do kinda like things done my way, if you know what I mean) and I like to drink, but always under control, I snore and I must admit that I am an aggressive (but good) driver and I like dirty jokes and I am a wee bit sarcastic, at times, and I have the habit of answering a question with another question...Enough already! Well, a millimeter a day doesn't sound like much, in fact you can't even see that on a day-to-day basis (big problem there!), but over a eight or nine year period, it adds up. Couple that with ineffectual communication and you have a failed marriage. I think we thought about things in two totally different ways and neither of us understood that. As she slowly pulled away from me, I slowly pulled away from her. I figured that one day she'd realize we need to communicate and we would go to a professional marriage counselor and work things out, right? After all, there was no other alternative to working things out and going on with our life together. The only problem was my wife came up with an alternative....one day, out of the blue, she told me she was done. Apparently she had had enough and wanted out of the marriage. How did I know this, you may ask. I was getting ready to leave for work, "What did you say?" I nervously asked. "I'm done, I've had enough, I want out of the marriage" she repeated. Those words have seared a permanent scar on my heart and soul. When I realized that she meant every word and was not kidding, I couldn't believe it. At that moment, I realized that we had spent the last several years just going through the motions with each other. She had completed her pull-out and was "done". After this relevation, she quickly became a re-invented person, she was no longer the person I had known. I guess while I was waiting to address our problems at some point, she was not only on a different page, she already started another book! I thought we were going through exactly what all my male friends would commiserate over when the wives were out of earshot, but unfortunately, this was not so in my case. I must assume that she was upset with me over many things and couldn't (or didn't know how to) communicate them to me. As early as 2003, I had started to ask her every time we had a fight (which to be honest were few and far between) to go to counseling with me, but she always refused. She said she couldn't bear to sit before a stranger and talk about our problems. In the end, I accepted this poor excuse. Looking back, I wish I had forced my hand on that issue. Our fights always had the same circular arguments, in which I would broach the subject when I got so frustrated I couldn't stand it any longer. "Deb, I want to kiss and hug my wife on a regular basis, not have to chase you around for some affection" I would yell. "How can I be affectionate to you when you are so mean to me? You walk around here unhappy all the time" she would respond. "I'm unhappy because you've stop being affectionate to me" I'd counter. "No, I've stopped being affectionate because of you being mean to me" she'd say and round and round we'd go on our little marital-problem carousel. So here I sit, my family destroyed. How ironic that she always absolutely refused to sit down with a marriage counselor to try to fix our marriage, yet she was very motivated to sit down with a mediator to break it up. I don't know this "new" girl....this skinny, super-toned person who wants nothing to do with me. New body, new wardrobe (you should see her new ski outfit...va-va-Voom!!. Every time she skied with me, she was always dressed like a Pillsbury dough-girl, now without me, she's a racy ski-bunny!), along with a whole new outlook on life. "My Time...Let's have some fun" is her tag-line on her internet dating profile. I can't believe how quickly she has turned into a new, different person, it's as if she entered a personality adjustment machine and out pops a new person who hates her husband. I guess time will tell how this will all turn out, my biggest concern is for our kids and the impact this will have on their lives. "The kids will be fine, children are very resilient", she said when I voiced my concerns to her. The funny thing is that the person in the relationship who minimizes the impact on the kids is, I'm certain, the person who wants out of the relationship and has no problem with divorce, go figure! The word "Divorce" was not in my vocabulary (unless I was talking about another couple) and it took several months for me to be able to say it without cringing. I had always thought divorce was for cowards who couldn't work things out. Isn't that what getting married is all about, working things out and making the other person happy? Isn't that what the wedding vows represent? A sacred union that can never be torn asunder, well, that's at least what I thought! Well in the end, I know that life is good, and life carries on, so I might as well make the best of it, I remember reading somewhere that it is better to be positive than negative in all things! This time around I hope to be able to use the knowledge I've acquired over the last 20 years (and the lessons of the many mistakes I have made in that time) to build a solid friendship and a real deep, loving relationship with a special girl with whom we can communicate our feelings effectively. This is what gives me hope for the future. I've often thought about who the perfect girl would be for me, especially over the last year. There are so many variables in selecting a long-term mate it can boggle the mind. The color of her hair; blonde, brunette, redhead, etc.... I've always wanted a redhead. There's something so sexy about red hair. In the end though, hair color isn't that important. Her sense of humor is one of the most important qualities. I would need a girl who could laugh at anything, including herself, that is so important to be able to laugh at yourself. I think people who can't laugh at themselves have a personality problem. There is something wrong there like low self-esteem or low self-confidence. If I can't make fun of you without hurting your feelings, we're not gonna get along. There's nothing wrong with making fun of someone as long as it is done with good intentions, i.e. making that person laugh. That's the only acceptable reason to make fun of someone, to make THEM laugh, not just you or someone else. I really love making people laugh. One of my favorite sounds is laughter. I remember once being in a hotel room up at a reunion at good old SLU. We had four friends squeezed into a double room. I remember making fun of one of my best-friends' hairy back. The three of us started talking about how hairy Doug's back is when he took off his shirt to change. We started poking fun at him saying things like, "Oh my god, Doug, how come your back is so hairy? Do you have any monkeys swinging around in there...do you need any bananas? Has anyone ever gotten lost in there? What brand of fertilizer do you use back there?" He laughed along with us (but not quite as enthusiastically, though) and quickly put another shirt on and we all went absolutely hysterical when we noticed the big tuff of back hair sticking out of the top of the new shirt at the back of his neck. The next morning, I happened to look in the bathroom and there was Doug, fresh out of the shower all twisted around (he had a towel around him, you perverts), shaving his back hair off! I guess he was going to make sure there was no tuff sticking out anymore....Sorry Doug! We still laugh about his hairy back today. Life is too short to not laugh every single day. I find humor in everything, not just back hair! There are very few things I can't find something funny about, really. Just ask me about cheese sandwiches, they can be absolutely hysterical! Even in tragedy there is humor. As Alan Alda once said as a ridiculously pompous (and funny) character he was playing in a Woody Allen film, "Tragedy...plus time...equals comedy". This is so true. My perfect girl would have to match my sarcastic, witty, irreverent, dirty sense of humor, that's so important. I would also need a girl with a nice body (notice I didn't say "a perfect body"). The human body is so incredibly beautiful, even more so if the owner thinks so. My perfect girl must not only have a nice body, she would have to like her own body and be comfortable in it and be proud of it. I think it's so attractive when a girl has enough confidence to wear a nice tight outfit to go for a bike ride or hike in. More points to her if could show off her belly-button! I think that's why I like Spanish girls so much, sometimes it's their oozing self-esteem that's so much hotter than their actual bodies. I want my perfect girl to match my keen interest in sex. This is so important to sexual compatibility and so important for a couple. I would do anything in my power to make sure she is happy and would want her to know how important it is to me for her to be extremely happy and satisfied with our sex life. She would have to be very comfortable talking about sex with me. And of course she'd be able to talk dirty with me when the time is right and not get all embarrassed about it, talking dirty is so much fun! I think a girl's attitude about learning is extremely important also. Curiosity and the desire to learn are so attractive to me it's crazy. I really like it when a girl is always asking questions! Shy, timid or introverted girls are definitely not my type; I've learned that lesson the hard way. I want a girl who wants to learn new things everyday because they are curious about life and because I want to learn something new everyday and am curious about life, that's fair, isn't it? Oh, and my perfect girl would have to be able to admit making a mistake. Why do some people find it impossible to do this simple, yet critical thing? The important thing with mistakes is not to assign blame, not by any means. Handling mistakes in the correct fashion actually allows you to improve yourself and your relationships and move on all at the same time. The best thing a person can do when they make a mistake, and EVERYONE makes mistakes, is follow my patented three-step process. 1) Admit you made a mistake. This simple step allows you to take ownership of your mistake, not assess blame, there is a huge difference here that some people just don't get. Taking ownership is important because it allows you to lay everything on the table so you can learn from the mistake and move on. There is tremendous potential to learn from each and every mistake you make, no matter how small it may have been and many people simply ignore this potential because they just don't want to understand it or can't see it. Not doing this is such a waste of potential benefit; 2) Say you are sorry for making the mistake. If you make a mistake, you really should be sorry for making it, Right?; 3) Simply say you'll try in the future to avoid making the same mistake again to the best of your abilities. At this point EVERYONE can move on....doesn't that make sense? "Look, I made a mistake, I'm really sorry and I'll try my best to never do it again". "That's OK, I forgive you. Thank you!", and we all move on in peace. Try it, it really works! Now, getting back to my perfect girl, she would have to be very active. I like a girl who wants to go places and do things, and they can be almost anywhere or anything, it really doesn't matter as long as you enjoy it together. Hopefully there will be many things you like to do together, like go skiing, hiking, biking, scuba diving, walking, (what's the difference between a walk and a hike? A hike is a walk where you can pee anywhere you want! HA! HA!), swimming and of course, one of the most important activities, Kissing! My perfect girl would have to be able to talk openly about her likes and dislikes, after all I may be smart, but I'm not a mind reader. This is such an important factor in the level of communication between two people. For one person to be able to tell the other person exactly what they would most like you to do and then the other person does it that way (this is true with many things, but especially sex!). If two people have the ability to get along on this level what an amazing relationship would flourish. This is where compromise comes into play because although this would work with many things, two people will never agree to everything in this manner. This is where relationships take some work. The ability to compromise so both parties feel good about it is so critical to the success of the relationship. I look so forward to having this type of relationship! Now, where am I going to find this perfect girl? I don't know, but I know she's out there somewhere, probably in Duluth, Michigan or Cheyenne, South Dakota. And of course, if any girl reading this feels she fits the above profile I would encourage her to contact me immediately! After writing all this down on paper, I feel I already know who my perfect girl is, ME! A female version of me that is (again with you perverts). I'd be perfect for myself. I don't think we'd hardly get into any arguments. The sex would be amazing as would the stimulating conversation. We'd like all the same foods so that would be pretty cool and we wouldn't ever get on each other's nerves, well maybe we would if my snoring bothered me, I mean her. We've spent a lot of time on this girl and it's time to move on... Now, for a totally different type of story. It is of my opinion that many folks have it wrong out there with the supposedly laid-back philosophy of "don't sweat the small stuff"....Let's think about what that seemingly simple statement means, I think it means don't get yourself worked up into a tizzy over the things you have direct, day-to-day control over, right? The small stuff is like which position the toilet seat is left in or the direction of the knives and forks in the dishwashing machine utensil rack (for both of these - "Up or Down" is the eternal question...go ahead ask a mixed-gender group of 4 or more people and see what they say...it's hilarious). I think I can see what the believers of this philosophy are really trying to say, the "hidden truth" so speak, is that it really stinks to be around a person who is so controlling that they literally try to force everyone around them into strict adherence to their views on how all the small stuff should be done. So what we're really talking about here are controlling SOB's and not wanting to be around them, and I certainly agree it would stink to have to be around one for any period of time (right now, I'm wondering what my kids would say...). To "not sweat the small stuff" also implies that what you should sweat is the big stuff...the exact stuff you have absolutely no shred of control over and probably never will. Things such as interest rates, a loved ones' health, stock prices (well most of us have no control over stock prices, and I wish that were true of everyone). These are the things that sweating over causes headaches, ulcers and heart attacks amongst other things. I think the overall philosophy needs to be adjusted to "Don't get involved with controlling SOB's, and don't sweat the big stuff" or in other words "Take care of the small stuff the best you can and the big stuff will take care of itself". Now, how perfect is that! If you follow this new philosophy, just think how much more smoothly and organized and calm your life would be and I can guarantee you'll never have a reason to sweat, unless you go out for a nice long bike ride! I will never forget one of the freakiest things that ever happen to me. I refer to it as the "Steve Eisenberg Mystery Call". Steve worked as a regional sales manager for a company I was working for at the time, Aon. His office had a special telephone number for us agents to call in on. I called this number one day to speak with him and I assumed it was his secretary who picked up the phone. "Hi, I'm calling for Steve Eisenberg" I said to her. She replied, "Mr. Eisenberg isn't in the office, who's calling?" "James Montreuil" I stated. "Would you like to leave a message for him?" she asked. "Sure", so I leave my name and telephone number with her, thanked her and hung up. I didn't recall him saying he was going to be out of the office this week and the call was scheduled, but I didn't think anything of it...no problem, right? The next morning I get a phone call from the same secretary, "OK, James, Mr. Eisenberg wants to know why you're calling him, he doesn't recognize your name". "I am an agent for the company here on Long Island, NY" I reply. "Oh, are you new? Because as I said, he doesn't recognize your name" she replied. "I'm relatively new, about 3 months now, but we've spoken numerous times, the last time being just last week." I said. "That's weird" she replied, "Well, I'll be talking with him again today and will let him know. He's on vacation this week down in the Caribbean and he usually calls in each afternoon to check on things". "Thank you", I replied and hung up. The next morning, I get another phone call and sure enough, it's the secretary again, "James, this is really strange, because, he doesn't know who you are and cannot remember ever speaking to you!" I'm thinking to myself, what the heck is going on here, this girl must be a little crazy or playing some sort of joke on me. "Are you sure you gave him my full name, James Montreuil?" I asked. "Yes, I'm absolutely positive he had your correct name and telephone number, and he cannot place who you are", she replied, "this is very weird". "Wait a minute; this is "Steve Eisenberg we're talking about"? I asked. "Yes, Steve Eisenberg" she said. "I can't believe he doesn't remember me. We spent 2 days together 3 months ago and have spoken on the phone numerous times since, something has got to be wrong here!". "Well I don't know what to tell you James, he doesn't remember you" she replied. "This is all extremely strange, I don't know what to tell you." I said, "This is so weird that I just don't know what to say." Then a thought came to me, "Can I ask what company is this? Is it Aon?" "Aon? No, we are Storm & Storm, Inc." she says. "You have got to be kidding me....I am calling for Steve Eisenberg with Aon!" I almost shouted. "Well, you called Steve Eisenberg with Storm & Storm, Inc.!" she replied with disbelief. "How could that happen?" I asked. I quickly grabbed Mr. Eisenberg's business card and said, "I have his business card right here. I called 1-800.732.1178, right? "No, that number's not right," she replied, "You called 1-800.732.1148, which is our Steve Eisenberg's line." "Are you trying to tell me that I dialed a wrong number and got to a person with the same name as the one I was trying to call....Is that what you're telling me?" I asked in amazement. "I can't believe this either" she says, "but it looks like that's exactly what happened, that's why we were all so confused about this!" and then she started to laugh. I couldn't help it, but I started laughing also. "You had better run out and buy a lottery ticket today, I have a feeling today is your lucky day!" she said, still laughing. "I certainly will," I replied, "well I guess I have to thank you for your help with this bizarre incident, I don't think I'll ever forget this phone call!!" "Neither will I, goodbye James" she said and we both hung up. What are the odds of this happening? I wish I knew. By the way, I played the lottery that day.....didn't win though! OK, I think we have made it to the most important part of this book, the big revelation, the cosmic boom, YES, The Secret To Life. It really has been a journey for me in writing this, a sort of therapy if you will, but that's OK because the end result is to impart to you, my readers, the most important words a mere mortal could ever utter or write, The Secret To Life. When I say the words, I want you to go right out and start using it, today! I want to see if it makes a difference in your life and the lives of everyone you know. Everyone on the planet can start using this to improve their lives, today! OK, here it is, when you come to a crossroads or to a juncture in your life when you must make a really important decision, what you must do is exactly what your parents would want you to do! You see, The Secret To Life is To Do What Your Parents Would Want You To Do! It is not a complicated concept to understand, but an easy and simple one (as with all good things in life) that too many of us have forgotten, overlooked or never realized in the first place. The funny thing is that as I wrote this book I came to another stunning revelation that this was not really The Secret To Life. There are no silver bullets or magic word to help us in life. What comes closest to a Secret To Life are called Golden Rules, remember those? Little bits of wisdom crammed into one sentence, "Do Unto Others As You Would Want Done Unto You" is a good example. "Do What Your Parents Would Want You To Do" is just another Golden Rule of Life, not a Secret To Life. I must admit that I was not pulling your leg through this whole book, in fact I remember when the original Secret To Life came to me one morning. I was lying in bed very early one morning and had been dreaming all night about all of the dangerous things that could happen to my kids during their lifetimes and what I could do to minimize these dangers, even when I wasn't around them. It was almost like a nightmare. All of a sudden, it came to me like a thunderbolt....teach them to always do what their mom and I would want them to do in any given situation and they would be safe! I found the secret to keeping my kids safe! I started to cry it was so powerful (and I really don't cry too often). I had to get up and run into the bathroom to cover my mouth because I didn't want my soon-to-be-ex-wife or kids to hear me and get worried. The tears are slowly rolling down my face right now as I write this because this secret came about as a revelation from me to my kids as the most powerful advice I could ever impart to them. When I picture myself saying these words to them, it brings tears to my eyes, because I know that if they follow this Golden Rule, they will always make the right decisions and I will never have to worry about them (even though I still would). On a positive note, I really did believe this was the Secret To Life until about half way through writing, when it came upon me as I was thinking through things related to the book, so the main concept was never a hoax or joke, but rather, I hope, an eye opener or thought provoker that perhaps could improve your life just a teeny-weenie bit, as it did mine and hopefully my kids. If I could do that, I will have accomplished my greatest goal, to write a worthwhile book that some people really enjoyed reading (I've keep calling it a book this whole time when really it has turned out to be a collection of short-stories...well I'm not going back and changing it now). The last thing I would like to tell you after all this....there truly is A Secret To Life and I just keep it for last. It is one of the most simple concepts possible, sitting right under all of our noses all this time....Love. This came to me as I wrote these stories and pondered the concept and existence of a true Secret To Life. Love is by far the closest thing to a "silver bullet" or short-cut to the best possible life on this planet. Simply love as much and as many things as you can and you'll be happy. Love your spouse, love the trees and plants, coffee, cheese, the planet, your dog, your children, the list is unending. Love with your whole heart and soul, and love unconditionally (that's the hardest part by far). If you can do this, you will be happy and enjoy life to the fullest. Forget about the things you hate. Put them out of your mind and don't think of them, make hate something that's not worth your time or attention, Love is the way to go, baby! The true Secret To Life. Don't you agree? By the way, please keep an eye out for my next book, a masterpiece of pornography. |
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